I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize