Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
