there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
