Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
