I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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