reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
