u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
