are you still at the devil's house?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize