so that wasnt chicken after all
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
