i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
