Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
