sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
