trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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