you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
