he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
