Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
