then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
