also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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