he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
