You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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