Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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