guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This baby is an asshole
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
