I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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