I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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