i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
