Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My penis needs a shock collar
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
