tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You ate ashes out of my bong
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
