you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The power of my boobs compel you
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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