dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
