I just pynch a tree in the face
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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