Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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