hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Randomize
