So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize