i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize