She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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