her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
