I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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