youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
