There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
