Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
