you guys were way drunker than both of me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
