how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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