She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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