I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
