I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
