there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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