No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't deserve a penis
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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