Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
