Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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