of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize