i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Jerry, you need to find god
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
