R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
