Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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