i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
someone owes me an orgasm
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
