Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Actions speak louder than pants.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
