Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
