we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize