had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize