a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
