I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
