Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
