you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
