first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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