I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
