Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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