every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
